I rinsed ‘Kana’ by Olamide & Wizkid yesterday. Played it for like six hours straight. It’s a fire song, and you’ll listen to it more than once, if you haven’t already. Much of it is in Yoruba, and even if you can’t comprehend what’s being said, you’ll see why Wizkid’s services are top dollar.

I rinsed the song because I had a conversation with a friend of mine, and we needed background music to talk over, and they picked that song. For the few minutes that the WiFi acted up, and there was silence, it made me realize how much of a therapy session it sounded like without music. We talked for four hours, and it made me realize how important it is to have friends that you can pour your heart out, and they’ll listen. Saw a tweet that said how important it is to not be that guy that hits on all his female friends, and how important they are in one’s life, offering female perspective, maturity, wisdom and girls listen really well too. I retweeted that tweet.

I’ve been emotional of late. For no reason that I could think of. Maybe it’s cause it’s mid year and I haven’t hit my half year targets yet, or maybe its cause I’m 30 in three years and the pressure is getting to me, or it’s cause I had bottled too much emotion and I needed to let some out. I thought about my tough friends, my team ice-box-for-a-heart friends, and how prone they are to violence and lashing out with their words. Then I asked myself the last time I cried, and it was 2010. When my KCSE results were out and I had failed, even worse than I expected and I felt like I let my mum down. That woman worked so hard to put me through school, to make sure I never lacked, and I had joked my way through Jamhuri, smoking weed, drinking every brand of alcohol and doing everything except what I was supposed to do; study.

Then my friend suggested that maybe I needed to cry, and I looked away. It made me uncomfortable, that I was already this vulnerable in front of her, and now she was asking me to cry if I needed to. I thought that maybe I should try it, I mean if I have forced cold water on my body in this July weather, then what are tears? I couldn’t, and I think I needed a trigger. Then our therapy session ended, we talked about boys in her life, girls in mine, politics, money and then she took an Uber home, my cheap self was suggesting Taxify, and she said Uber is better at night because their security features are better than Taxifys’. Made me realize how lucky I am to be a guy, that I don’t have to worry about anything other than thugs when I’m making plans.

Today I went to see my niece, and you guessed it, I was still rinsing ‘Kana’, (that song is fire!!!), and I was so happy that I saw my mum, and that she is almost completing a journey she started two years ago. Then I ate pilau, that was really tasty, at my niece’s house, and it warmed my heart that she’s growing up healthy, and her parents have enough for her, and for themselves. Later I passed by Kibera, and my eatery gave me free tea and tasty donuts, I always take my dishes to the counter when I’m done eating, and I like how the guys there are so nice and friendly, (not because they gave me a free snack 😀theey actually have tasty food).

Find ways to let go

After yesterday’s talk, I’m feeling a lot better, but I’m still waiting for my trigger, 😀because its healthy to let your heart cry. I wrote this for my guy friends. That we need to defuse sometime, let your heart cry. Go for paintball , boxing, soccer, long talks with friends, because all this toughness is for show and it will kill you by 50, no jokes, this are facts

Choose to live! 😎