When I’m not thinking about my naked, non-existent wife, I think about my happiness, and lately I’ve been skeptical about my chances of being happy beyond 30. I think my goals are looking a little bit impractical with every passing day, like I’m swimming towards the guard rail and someone keeps adding deadweights to my feet, and instead of thinking about getting to the rails and catching my breath, I am fighting to not drown. I spend too much time on YouTube nowadays, although it’s mostly spent watching documentaries and celebrity interviews. One person I can’t get enough of is Kevin Hart, the comic and budding entrepreneur, who apart from being a really funny guy, is one of the most intelligent, pragmatic and positive people I have seen speak. He has already broken attendance records for his stand up specials, become the highest earning comedian, starred in box office hits and not settling for that, he has decided to get his own network so he can be more of his own boss. In an interview with the breakfast club, a popular US radio show, a few months ago, one of the hosts, Dj Envy, asked him to explain to the world just how much he worked to get where he is right now, with his recognizable brand, growing fan base and high net worth. Kevin said unlike what most people think, that he was an overnight success, it took him years of relentless hard work, and a dedicated work ethic passed on from his late mother to get where he is. I’ve watched a lot of interviews especially of popular rappers and athletes, and the wait for success is real, even when it’s coupled with hard work, lots of people just don’t know about it.

 

Future, the musician, was in the industry for seven years before he ever found success, Kevin Gates sold c.ds from the back of his car before he hit the heights that he is at now, and watching those interviews makes me feel like our media outlets don’t do enough to highlight the positives in our country. Yes, a lot bad things are going on, but I think that dwelling on the negatives so much waters down the many people who are working hard for what they have. I think what Larry does with his show is a good start, but I feel like it’s more about having the most fashionable people on the show, as opposed to having real conversations with people, about what they fear most, what they had misconceptions about, what they would do different if they could start all over again, what/who to avoid. I like Dj Demakufu, I watrched him on the Trend one time, and he came off as a focused guy, whose worked his ass off to be where he is right now, which is in almost every matatu in Nairobi’s public transport industry, and it’s no mean feat.  I think him advising young people who think they want to set out as d.js would work better than say, DJ Envy from the States, as he knows the challenges that you’d face as an aspiring deejay in Africa.  That’s why I adore Biko Zulu, he’s for me the best writer I know, no flattery, I buy the paper on Saturday just for his article, I read his interviews on The Business Daily and I love his blog and instagram posts. I like that he has made a career out of writing in Kenya, a market where people make jokes about  the safety of hiding money in books because we don’t read. In fact, I should do an article on Biko in a week, be serious about my craft.

 

 

Back to my fear. In 4 years I’ll be 30, and my mother will start complaining that I don’t have a steady girlfriend, if not a wife, I’ll get calls from my bank about land deals and mortgages, and I’ll be stressed if I won’t be able to take them up. I’ll expect to have known where my life is headed, and I’ll expect to have achieved a level of success..maybe I’ll not have taken someone to Niagara Falls, but I’ll expect to be settled in my field and an expert of sorts. It scares the sleep out of me, and sometimes I stay up late, unable to sleep, worrying about being 30 and undecided, career still not taken off, single and all round unhappy. I wonder if it’s only me, I wonder if skipping paramedic work to work in a wine shop was a smart move. I saw a picture depicting the value of patience the other day, two miners mining, the first miner strikes  a diamond and walks away, and the second miner gives up after a while, but his mine had a bigger diamond, it was just covered by a little more dirt than his friend’s mine. I wonder if my mine has a diamond, because every one elses seems to have one, and if it does, whether it’s a small ting or a massive one that’ll be worth the effort.

 

 

Sometimes when I follow the girl with the naked waist into the shower it ends well, and we do what newly-weds do, EVERYWHERE! Other times, it’s a nightmare, because it reminds me just how fickle this whole dream is , and how much nothing is guaranteed, and that even the dream is a privilege, some people’s ‘30’ came at 24 and now bad decisions, unexpected kids and responsibilities mean they are living my nightmare now. If she walks away from me today, I’ll put her wedding dress back on, and we’ll sit on the bed and talk about back when I was 26, and 30 was my biggest nightmare